Where in the world is Kate Middleton? 🔍
Did she really get a BBL?
Blink twice if you’re ok, Kate Middleton
The world (aka chronically online people) is collectively wondering where Kate Middleton is, and it has turned into hilarious memes and wild conspiracy theories.
A little backstory: Kate's last public appearance was on Christmas at the annual Christmas walk to church in Sandringham, and on January 17th, the Palace released a statement on how the queen-in-waiting would undergo abdominal surgery and would remain hospitalized for two weeks and would not return to royal duties until after Easter.
Since then, so much has gone down with the Royal family: Prince Charles has cancer, Prince William attends the BAFTAS and scared young starlets, and there is no trace of Kate. It’s a royal mess.
Royalist stans have been on this case since the beginning of February, but it has caught the attention of regular Americans, who have turned it into crazy conspiracy theories and memes.
The conspiracies many believe to be true:
Kate is in her ‘Gone Girl’ era
She’s being cloned
Trapped in the Tower of London to avoid divorce papers
And last but not least, she had a BBL shortly after the abdominal surgery.
Americans made so much noise that the Royal Family had to release a statement and told us to chill.
But that hasn’t stopped Twitter from creating countless memes:
As a former royal follower, I truly believe Kate is taking this time not to work because she hates working, and if things are as bleak as they sound, her life will change drastically in a few months as the Queen of England. She’s using her PTO (with maybe some niptuck).
But who knows, maybe they will ‘Weekend at Bernie's’ her in a few days to shut up all Americans once and for all.
B.Coop, you ok?
Everyone, aka film Twitter, has collectively turned on Bradley Cooper for the simple fact he’s annoying this award season, he is gunning for an Oscar, and his movie sucks. But as a true Aquarius, I have decided to break free from this group thinking and embrace how insanely ridiculous and bizarre Bradley is.
Although there is not a chance in hell for Bradley to pull a win in the final hour
for the Oscars, he’s still hitting up every press stop that will talk to him. Even Paul Giamatti and Cillian Murphy, who have a real shot at winning the gold, aren't this thirsty with their Oscar campaigning.
Bradley acted and directed ‘Maestro,’ a biopic on American composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein. In an interview with CBS, B.Coop sat with Bernstein’s children, Jamie, Nina, and Alexander. Cooper becomes emotional when asked if he misses portraying Leonard, sharing how much the character meant to him.
Mind you, Bradley has never met this man.
And it gets worse. He appeared on the podcast Armchair Expert, where he hilariously admits that he wasn’t sure he’d take a bullet for his daughter the first eight months she was alive.
“First 8 months, I don’t even know if I really love the kid. It’s dope. I’m watching this thing morph… Fascinated by it. Loved taking care of it. But would I die if someone came in with a gun?”
Fake Bernstein really said the vibes kind of shaky and I’m not sure I’m willing to risk my life this kid. But slowly, he came around, and now he’d do anything for his daughter. But it is wild that he felt more connected to a man he never met immediately after taking the project, but he needed eight months of the free trial before committing to his daughter, and I find that FASCINATING.
Many had strong feelings after each interview, but it made me love this man even more. This man is batshit crazy, and this is what’s missing in pop culture. That’s why everyone can’t process it; it’s been two decades since Tom Cruise jumped on Oprah’s couch to declare he loved Katie Holmes.
I can’t wait to see what other bizarre antidote he will share with us next. Hopefully, he goes all in on Oscar night and gives us a quote we’ll never forget.
Speaking of Tom Cruise…
The vibes were indeed not there
Just days after news broke that Tom Cruise was dating Russian model Elsina Khayrove, they called it quits. Apparently, shortly after meeting her kids, he bounced. He literally did not like the kids’ vibes and broke up with her.
Sources said, “There are no hard feelings between them; for Tom, their relationship simply ran its course." This isn’t surprising; Tom doesn’t speak to his daughter, Suri, for most of her life. At least he’s consistent. 😬
The boy is mine (mom edition)
An entire family feud is brewing in the Cyrus household. The family is divided; it’s complicated, and I will do my best to explain.
Noah vs. Tish
Noah is Miley Cyrus’ younger sister, and Tish is their mom.
Us Weekly broke the news this week that Noah is no longer speaking to their mom because…their mom married her boyfriend. Noah had been dating Dominic Purcell for eight months before they began to have issues, and Tish, their mom, swooped in and started dating her man. A year later, she married him.
According to sources, the two haven’t spoken since the incident happened, and Dominic and the mother-daughter have blocked one another on social media. Because of this Jolene moment, Noah has become #TeamBillyRay (their dad) and, due to this, is no longer speaking to Miley as well.
Sometimes your LOML is somebody else’s man, even if it’s your own daughter. I don’t make the rules.
Miley vs. Billy Ray
Billy Ray is their father and Tish’s ex-husband.
Allegedly, Billy Ray cheated on Tish with his now wife, Firerose, which led to the demise of their 30-year marriage. Because of Billy Ray’s trifling behavior, Miley is #TeamTish and not on speaking terms with her dad or anyone who is on #TeamBillyRay.
I’m sorry, all of this mess over a guy who sang “Achy Breaky Heart” and the second lead of Prison Break. Can the family ever recover from this mess?
That was a delightful week of ludicrous pop culture digest from all different corners of culture.
Xo,
britt.
is it legal for me to say she can stay gone?