Love is Patient
Love is Blind reunion, Frank Ocean's lip sync for his life, and Leo's dating woes
A tornado flew around Coachella
Coachella was the festival everyone wanted to be at back in the day, with iconic performances.
NSYNC & Ariana Grande, Coachella 2019
But in the last few years, possibly post-Beychella, I can't remember when I felt FOMO or a burst of excitement for seeing the performances.
And Vanessa Hudges, Queen of Coachella, didn't even attend. It's basically like the groundhog seeing its shadow and letting us know it will be a weak year or a sign the recession is here.
On January 10th, it was announced that Frank Ocean would be one of the main headliners; I already knew deep down in my soul there would be a mess involved with this performance slot. Frank, who barely performs and loves to cancel performances and events, will commit to giving an outstanding show at one of the biggest music festivals?!?! You have to be delusional. And unfortunately, I was right.
Every performance this year at the festival was live-streamed, but right before he hit the stage, Frank decided not to have his show streamed. I thought, oh, he's about to embarrass his stans.
Frank performed like how we perform in our rooms, listening to his songs. Just lip-syncing and vibes, he hardly touched a mic, was two hours late, and ended early because of curfew.
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Once the clips hit the net, Twitter dragged Frank's lack of performability. His PR tried to do damage control by stating the staging set fell through (he wanted an ice skating rink in the desert?!?! How will that work? He's so unserious and wanted a reason not to perform), and an injury was the reason behind the lackluster stage presence. The boy's a liar. Before this week ended, Frank confirmed he would not perform for week 2. This man didn't want to perform at all but wanted the check, and I'm not going to hate, but I am a hater so....
Leo can trick the media, but he can't trick me.
Over the decade, it has been well known that Leonardo DiCaprio likes his romantic partners to be models, YOUNG (legally), and when they hit 25 years old, the relationship contract will dissolve. The relationship vanishes like Thanos snapped his finger (is that the correct Marvel reference?) But the internet discovered it last year and made it a big deal, and now Leo is scrambling to change his terrible dating patterns to appease the nation.
After Camila Morrone hit his dealbreaker age of 25 and noticed the conversation wondering why can't Leo continue a relationship with a woman after her brain had fully formed, Leo's PR team has been trying to push the narrative that he IS attracted to women over the age of 25.
Just mere weeks after the breakup with Camila, there were reports he had begun dating Gigi Hadid. Gigi is a model, so that tracks, but she's over 25 and a mom to a small child. That man doesn't want to be anybody's stepfather. There was never any REAL evidence this relationship actually happened. But they pushed the narrative for months, and some people believed it.
In February, after his faux relationship with Gigi, it was reported Leo was dating 19 year old model Eden Polani, and it drove the internet crazy. PR had to work overtime wit this one. Like..how would he date someone who is NINETEEN, a man, a lover of all women all ages. This could never happen.
At Coachella, Leo was spotted talking to professional beard model Irina Shayk. Another model over 25 with a child...It's not realistic. I’ve never seen a man so desperate to be seen with an older woman.
Leo, you may bamboozle the masses, but never me. Know that!
I’m surprised they haven’t set him up with Emily Ratakowski. She's the female Pete Davidson and gets great coverage. That would be more believable, but again she's over 25, and with a child, however, I can believe they’d have fun for a week.
Abolish Love Is Blind Reunions
The hurt in my heart when I logged onto Netflix to watch the first-ever live reunion of ‘Love, is Blind’ and I was met with errors for hours. Viewers not once shared the desire for a live reunion or a reunion with a studio audience, but here we were. After hours of Netflix struggling to figure out how to stream a high-demanded episode live, they filmed a 90 mins snoozefest and just uploaded it at some random time that only a small portion could watch that evening.
It was possibly the worst reunion I’ve ever sat through (and I’ve watched some painfully bad Housewives reunions). Vanessa and Nick Lachey need to stay away from hosting any reunion. Vanessa is not equipped to create dialogue, conflict, and resolution to give audiences closure to all the mess we watched. And Nick can only insert a word every once in a while.
I have a few thoughts to share in the wake of this disappointing mess.
Kwame and Chelsea must have signed a contract to stay together for at least two years because I couldn't believe they were in love despite all of the explanations they gave (there were a lot).
Brett and Tiffany, no notes. They’re perfect and give me hope I can find my person in my late 30s.
Zack and Bliss…if anyone fits the phrase, “there is someone for everyone,” it’s these two. I’m happy for their very chaotic romantic journey that surprisingly did not turn into ‘Romeo and Juliet.’
Micah tried her hardest to produce tears to pretend she liked Paul and wanted to marry him. She never had any intention in advancing her relationship with Paul, and Vanessa is incapable of reading the room that Zack had to put on his lawyer hat, become Paul’s defense lawyer, and plead his case.
Irina…dare I say, looked like Megan Fox. But also, those tears will not wash away the evil tactics you played on the show.
Jackie and Josh- yuck, but best of luck with that toxic relationship.
Marshall, you seem like a decent man but seek help and stop trying to save a ho.
xo,
britt