Don't Cry for Patti LuPone, America!
The claws are out on Broadway, but luckily Cats is still closed.
The Couch, The Cruise, The Comeback
“What has happened to you?” Oprah Winfrey asked an ecstatic Tom Cruise.
On May 23, 2005, Tom Cruise was Oprah’s surprise guest on her daytime talk show. The audience roared with excitement at the announcement, and their cheers only grew louder when Cruise bounded onto the stage, flashing his megawatt smile and instantly commanding the room.
Cruise was on the show to promote Steven Spielberg’s upcoming sci-fi epic, War of the Worlds. But the real headline wasn’t the movie, it was his whirlwind relationship with Katie Holmes, which had kicked off just a month earlier. Oprah brought up Katie almost immediately, and at just the mention of her name, Cruise’s entire demeanor shifted. He threw up his hand for a high five and clutched Oprah’s hands in his excitement.
Oprah is visibly confused and wondering, what the helly? And Tom simply said, “I’m in love.” He explained that he can’t be laid back because he wants to celebrate the moment, and then it happened…he famously began to rise and then leap back onto the couch because he was in love with homegirl from Dawson’s Creek. The two moved on to discuss the movie, but the culture could not move forward.
It was arguably one of the biggest viral moments in culture. News outlets and gossip columns couldn’t stop dissecting Cruise’s “bizarre” behavior, while Scary Movie 4, Family Guy, and even Sesame Street parodied the moment. Memes were so widespread that many barely remember what actually happened during the original interview. It just became the meme.
It was inescapable, so much so that even Tom poked fun at himself later on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, leaping onto the couch in self-aware amusement.
The Cruise summer was wild from that moment forward. After just two months of dating, Tom proposed to Holmes. Later that same month, he made headlines again after calling Today Show host Matt Lauer “a glib” during an awkward interview where he criticized Brooke Shields for using antidepressants. And then you know the whole…religion he’s a part of. It’s incredible to think that he not only survived that PR nightmare, but nearly 30 years later, he’s one of Hollywood’s last true movie stars, cementing himself as the man single-handedly keeping theaters alive with back-to-back blockbusters like Top Gun: Maverick and Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning.
If only 2005 Tom had waited until 2025 to pull this stunt over Ana de Armas (because honestly, same), it would have been a blip in the zeitgeist—but Twitter, Tumblr, and TikTok would have praised him for being a loverboy. Through today’s lens, it’s hard to watch the clip and see why everyone collectively lost their minds. Culture has flown so close to the sun that the moment now feels almost normal. Sure, Tom was wildly animated, practically bouncing like a toddler who just got their favorite candy after a good day.
But at the heart of it, he was just a guy who was really in love and didn’t care who knew it. And isn’t that what all hopeless romantics kind of want to see their significant others react to, just by hearing their person’s name?
Is it still 2005?
Not only has it been 30 years since Tom Cruise acted a fool on Oprah’s furniture, but this year’s American Music Awards practically was 2005. Think of who was cool back then, and odds are, they were celebrating something at this year’s ceremony.
Jennifer Lopez never skips a moment, and this was no different. J.Lo was the award show’s host with the mostest, kicking things off with a very long dance number celebrating the year’s biggest hits. And if you were looking for a recession indicator, she made out with both her male and female dancers. It truly felt like the 2000s all over again.
As a proud, card-carrying hater of Jennifer Lopez since 2001, I will admit, I smirked a little seeing the internet collectively baffled over why she chose to dance to a few of Kendrick Lamar’s songs.
Another person who can’t seem to catch a break on the internet is my favorite culture appropriATE girl, Gwen Stefani. We’ve seen so many lives of Gwennie, South Asian, Mexican, Jamaican, and now American Southern.
Stefani did a medley of her biggest solo hits, including “Sweet Escape” and “Hollaback Girl.” Everyone was a little confused as to why she sounded like Reba while spelling out b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
And last but not least, Janet Jackson received the ICON award and performed at her own tribute because that’s what Jacksons do. No notes! It was perfect! I’m happy she’s getting her flowers now.
Ladies who lunch... and roast
Patti LuPone’s words are finally bitting her in the ass. After her nasty comments on two Broadway vets, the theater community quickly picked sides, and it wasn’t in Ms. LuPetty’s favor.
This weekend, Patti LuPone’s The New Yorker profile hit the streets, and predictably, it went viral. In 2024, while starring in The Roommate at the Booth Theatre, LuPone raised a stink about sound bleed from the neighboring production of Hell’s Kitchen, where Kecia Lewis was performing. LuPone demanded that the producers of Hell’s Kitchen lower their sound levels, claiming it was disrupting her performance. After the adjustments were made, she sent flowers to the show’s sound and stage management team as a gesture of “thanks.” But Lewis didn’t see it that way. She publicly called out LuPone for what she described as bullying, offensive, and racially microaggressive behavior, especially given Hell’s Kitchen’s predominantly Black cast. Lewis aired her grievances in an open letter on Instagram, demanding a sincere apology from LuPone.
In a subsequent interview with The New Yorker, LuPone dismissed Lewis's concerns and questioned her credentials, stating, “Let’s find out how many Broadway shows Kecia Lewis has done. She’s done seven. I’ve done thirty-one. Don’t call yourself a vet, bitch."
Followed by LuPone referred to Broadway legend Audra McDonald as "not a friend with a capital D.” and when asked her thoughts on McDonald’s production of Gypsy with a delay response with a sighed “what a beautiful day.”
For years, Patti LuPone’s nastiness has been excused, dressed up as “petty diva antics” and written off as part of her brand. But beneath the glitter and theatrics, it’s just plain vile. This is the same woman who dismissed a Black-led production with microaggressive complaints and then turned around and publicly called a respected Black actress a bitch, trying to strip her of her rightful place in theater. It’s a glaring example of how microaggressions and exclusionary behavior aren’t just relics of the past; they’re alive and well in the very spaces that claim to be inclusive.
The only redeeming quality Patti has is that she hates Trump, and sadly, that’s not enough in 2025.
As we close the curtains on this week’s drama, I’ll leave you with a toast from the ultimate diva herself, Jennifer Simard (Patti LuPone’s understudy in Company, which many have stated gave a better performance), courtesy of Company:
“Here’s to the ladies who lunch—everybody rise.”
I’ll drink to THAT! 🍸
xo,
britt.