Is love dead?
Your favorite couple, who you didn’t even know were dating, have split. Kelis’ milkshake no longer brings Bill Murray to the yard as the summer comes to a close. Yes, you read that correctly. Kelis and Bill Murray were a *thing*.
Not much is known about these two’s courtship, other than Bill was spotted attending Kelis’ one of his shows in June….then we heard nothing until now about how they’re no longer together.
Since I can’t share any more details about their relationship, all I can do is speculate what could have sparked a relationship between these two random celebs. Is Bill a big fan of Kelis’ magnum opus album, Flesh Tone? Did they ever binge-watch a Netflix show together? I bet it was “House of Cards.” What kind of meals did Kelis make for him? Is he a fan of jerk seasoning now? These are important details I need in my life. And I’ll never get answers now.
Only Fans is not marriage material
Miley Cyrus’ brother suddenly decided the world needed to hear his thoughts on women with OnlyFans accounts.
In a long-winded post, Trace Cyrus explained that women with OnlyFans accounts have missed the chance to date Trace at marriage because no man will ever want to be with someone who shows off their body. What was the most comical part of his rant—placing the word “morals” in the same sentence as “good guys” because, have you met a man? They do not have morals.
After a quick glance at his Instagram page, it’s all pics of him shirtless. Can you say slutty?! You posted multiple pics of yourself without a shirt and expect women to see you as a future husband, father, or loyal partner. Absolutely not. It’s always the sluttiest men with the loudest and wrong opinions about women.
Thank god he decided to share his misogynistic views so I can unlike his only successful song, “Shake It,” from my Spotify, which I haven’t listened to since college.
No, chef
When the SAG strike started, I wondered what actors were going to do with their time of not promoting their work or being on set. Instead, most actors have spent the summer on vacation or occasionally showing up to the picket lines to show support. We didn’t get any embarrassing “Imagine (Gal Gadot version)” rendition.
Instead, Jeremy Allen White has risen from the ashes and has the paparazzi on speed dial for some reason. And you’re probably asking yourself, who? Exactly! Since he became single and couldn't complete his press tour for “The Bear,” we’ve been bombarded with shirtless pap walks as if he’s Bradley Cooper or Ben Affleck.
The desperation is high with this one. Push-ups in the middle of the street is giving Heidi Montag level of thirst. Even Kim Kardashian wouldn’t pull those stunts. Because no one is wondering what Ratatouille is up to.
I’m begging the studios and SAG/WAG to come to an agreement so I no longer have to see random Jeremy Allen White pap photos.
How much longer can this faux romance last?
Is Kris Jenner in her flop era? Lately, her magic behind every PR move has not worked like they normally do. Case in point: this summer-long rumor of Kylie Jenner dating Timothee Chalamet. Ever since Kim left Kanye and Kourtney becoming the supreme sister for dating Travis Barker I called them to revamp their image. They would drop the Black women cosplay and stop dating rappers and athletes. It’s been a slow transition, but the wheels are turning, and my prediction is coming to fruition.
This year, Kim has dated Pete Davidson, rumored to be with Tom Brady; there were rumors Khloe was dating Brad Pitt (they went too far with that one). And now Kris is headstrong, trying to make Kylie and Timothee happen even though the general public has no true interest in them.
Earlier this week, British Vogue published an op-ed on why the writer believes they’re not in a relationship because she’s a reality star and he’s a French thespian (in a nutshell). Timothee is not above dating a reality star and definitely doesn’t have more depth than Kylie just because he’s in “Dune” and speaks French. He’s from the Bronx and has dated nothing but nepo babies. The article has been deleted from the site, which makes this faux romance even more obvious. At this point, I need to see them making out next to Jeremy Allen White for me to believe they even know one another. In my honest opinion, the reason I believe they are no more than a PR relationship is because in every article about their “romance” there are never cold facts about them being shared, just sources confirming they’re dating. I need Kris to work a little harder to convince us with their showmance.
xo,
britt