Bennifer 2.0 Dunzo?

We’re all experiencing temporary insanity

The end of the road for Bennifer

2024 is not the year for Jennifer Lopez, and I’m not saying this because I’m one of her biggest haters. This is factual! It truly feels like since February, The Block can’t catch a break. As mentioned in our last newsletter, her vanity projects (film/doc/album about her relationship with Ben Affleck) were flops, the internet can’t stand her, and now her fairytale relationship with Dunkin Donuts may be doomed.

Late last week, news broke that Bennifer 2.0 was on the rocks after Jennifer attended the Met Gala (which she was the co-chair of) alone. Then, the media discovered the two had not been photographed together for 47 days, a real travesty. At first, I didn’t believe it until I saw pics of Jennifer looking at new homes (after the two just bought this massive estate last year), and People magazine confirmed their relationship is in the dumps.

Immediately after the rumors hit the streets, these two stunt queens called up the paps for a pap walk of them buying flowers together to squash the rumors. However, not enough acting can mask the deep hate these two have for each other that was seeping through the pics. 

The New York Post reported a source, Matt Damon, spilled how Ben is having a moment of clarity on their inevitable divorce and “if there was a way to divorce on grounds of temporary insanity, he would.” GOT DAMN! Was that line necessary? She’s still your wife. It takes a lot for me to feel sorry for Jennifer, but at this moment I kinda wanna knock his Dunkie iced coffee out of his hand.

While promoting her bootleg Gravity, Netflix’s Atlas, a reporter asked what’s the tea on her divorce with Ben, and her co-star, Simu Liu, decided he needed to be the man that stepped up and defended her.

This is how I know we are never going back to the golden days of entertainment because this used to be common and not seen as unprofessional in the 90s/00s. Because lowkey, we do not care about how she connected to this character (because we know she doesn’t); we want to know if she kicked Big Ben out of their home. And we deserve to know after many of us sat through their “Greatest Love Story Ever Told” documentary and meta film they made about their relationship.

Just between us, I would not be surprised if she starts dating bottom-tier Ken after Ben because we know she can never be single for more than seven business days. 

The only relationship Jennifer has the strongest bond with is nude lipstick. The woman will never let go of that nude color lip.

Tom Hanks crip walking with a stank face

The greatest rap beef of our time, Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake, has reached corners of culture that we never expected. Even Tom Hanks is wondering what the hell is going on and who is the winner. Hanks knew exactly which child would ins and outs on the beef, and it wasn’t the chosen son, Colin.

It was Chet, the son who is fluent in patois, faux failed rapper, and “king” of “White Boy Summer.”

Chet shared on Instagram Stories a text exchange with his “Pops” on everything he needed to know regarding the Black Israelite vs. the Canadian colonizer, and Tom was shook.

I wonder what other Hollywood stars are reaching out to their urban adjacent kids to help them understand what is going on in hip-hop currently. I’m sure North West is giving a PowerPoint presentation to the entire Kardashian/Jenner Klan.

Pits of hell but make it royally artsy

If Jennifer Lopez thinks her year is bad, the British Royal Family’s PR team is in the trenches trying to put out multiple fires after dealing with countless backlashes, crazy conspiracies, working royals not wanting to work, etc.

Last week, King Charles III unveiled his official portrait, which literally depicts him in his future living space when he reunites with his parents in hell.

It’s painfully obvious he wanted a contemporary portrait that was vibrant, similar to former President Barack Obama’s portrayal, but red was not the color to use. But I can honestly say his portrait at least looks professionally done compared to his daughter-in-law, Princess Catherine’s portrait. 

The painting was done by British-Zambian artist Hannah Uzor and is featured on the cover of Tatler magazine's July issue. It’s giving Prince George picked up painting as a hobby and made this for Mother’s Day.

A part of me believes the artist Hannah did this on purpose in solidarity with Meghan Markle, but I digress. Because honey, WHAT IS THIS??? No shade to her but it looks so amateur, but it’s what Kate deserves.

I couldn't help but wonder, do you think we’ll ever see Kate Middleton again?

Will Ben and Jen make it to their second wedding anniversary in August?

All we can do is wait and see!

xo,

britt.